Something I was thinking…

Question:

> Try doing everything different from how you usually do things for a > few weeks —

It worked for George Costanza. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

Solomon to be honest I feel exactly the same way as you do about dating… I see it as a phony way of getting to know someone..IE you put out your "best" foot and I put out my "best" foot ..(which many times is a phony foot and lets try to impress each other with a level of phoniness…. Mostly I dont think "dating" as it were is the best way to get to know someone…I was just speaking generally about our culture…going out with someone is not an invitation into a relationship…its just "going out" …..sometimes people look at the prospect of dating (especially females) as "could this be the one?"…… solomon <s.gru…@excite.com> wrote in message

news:384C745B.308B0556@excite.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Dawn Molina wrote: > > Frolf18…sometimes people just dont feel a connection…. > > I think that one thing that some shy people (and even non-shys) need to > > understand…..asking someone for a date IS not an invitation to have a > > "relationshiP"……its a way of getting to know someone….seeing if there > > is a potential on both sides for it to go further….maybe we shouldnt see > > this as "rejection" at a personal level…..maybe we should view it as more > > of things just didnt click…nothing bad about it, it just is…and then > > move out…. > > In the meantime….just keep playing the field….have a good time and see > > who we connect with …and if they connect with us…JMO > Strange I always viewed dating as a futile act. An exercise where one or both > of the parties involved get dolled up and pretend to be more that they really > are. That’s just part of my personality though one of the many differences > between all of us. Its these differences that usually keep us from being able to > understand why other people act and react the way they do. I imagine you must > be wondering what kind of person doesn’t care for dating. > Solomon

Response:

In article <82k9gv$5j…@nnrp1.deja.com>, Dr. Art <dr_…@my-deja.com> wrote: > In article <82juue$tv…@nnrp1.deja.com>, > PrudenceAng…@geocities.com wrote: > > I go out to parties with my friends…one out of three weekends or > so – > > other times we just go to movies or hang out. Admittedly, I’m > starting > > to think this is part of the problem. > Interesting that you say this. Remember my post about Ms. Bucharest? > She actually told me that she likes to go out alone to meet people. > [which is exactly what happened - I met her] I can’t say that I *like* > to go out alone, but with regard to meeting new people, it has > definitely been more productive for me.

There’s more safety issues for me (and women in general) going out alone. The only places I would be able to be not crazy walking by myself are on campus…and I already go to most of the parties where there are upperclass boys that are organized with my friends. So that leaves the kind of private, room parties, and I would feel really weird showing up at one of those alone, cause I’ve never seen anyone do that. > > Of course I’m afraid to show > > interest – I’m shy. Some of my friends have boyfriends (who are also > my > > friends), some of them don’t and are similarly frustrated, except they > > aren’t shy so it seems like they have more possibilities than me. > why do you think THEY are frustrated?

Because it’s still hard to meet guys, even if one is extroverted and outgoing. > > I’m > > not quite sure what you mean by gender-balanced hobbies. > as an example, knitting is not gender-balanced for you.

Knitting is also a pretty solitary hobby..don’t think I’d be meeting any type of any people doing that. So what type of hobbies should I join to meet guys then? > > I’m not religious, I don’t go around telling people I’m a virgin, I’m > > 5′5" and 115 lbs…and I’m not flat chested or acne scarred or dress > > really conservatively or any of that either, in case you were > > wondering. > You almost got me horny

Then how come you didn’t ask me out? > Another question I forgot to ask. When you meet guys casually [in your > classes, through your friends, etc.] at what point can you tell that > they are UNACCEPTABLE as your potential BFs / sex partners / etc? What > qualities do you think you look at?

Well, obviously there is some standard of physical attractiveness, as well as some amount of the fact that I don’t really want to go out with a freshman…but other than that…friendliness is a big good thing, so is humor. People who come across as unconfident, as well as people who are overconfident is kind of annoying. It would take me a while to decide that someone was unacceptable for anything other than physical reasons, though. Anyways. Prudence

Response:

In article <82juue$tv…@nnrp1.deja.com>, PrudenceAng…@geocities.com wrote: > I go out to parties with my friends…one out of three weekends or so – > other times we just go to movies or hang out. Admittedly, I’m starting > to think this is part of the problem.

Interesting that you say this. Remember my post about Ms. Bucharest? She actually told me that she likes to go out alone to meet people. [which is exactly what happened - I met her] I can’t say that I *like* to go out alone, but with regard to meeting new people, it has definitely been more productive for me. > Of course I’m afraid to show > interest – I’m shy. Some of my friends have boyfriends (who are also my > friends), some of them don’t and are similarly frustrated, except they > aren’t shy so it seems like they have more possibilities than me.

why do you think THEY are frustrated? > I’m > not quite sure what you mean by gender-balanced hobbies.

as an example, knitting is not gender-balanced for you. > I’m not religious, I don’t go around telling people I’m a virgin, I’m > 5′5" and 115 lbs…and I’m not flat chested or acne scarred or dress > really conservatively or any of that either, in case you were > wondering.

You almost got me horny > Anyways.

Another question I forgot to ask. When you meet guys casually [in your classes, through your friends, etc.] at what point can you tell that they are UNACCEPTABLE as your potential BFs / sex partners / etc? What qualities do you think you look at? Art Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

In article <11f733ec.8e40f…@usw-ex0102-015.remarq.com>, frolf18 <frolf18NOfrS…@techie.com.invalid> wrote: > > Try doing everything different from how you usually do things for a > > few weeks — > It worked for George Costanza.

LOL, I remember that one Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

In article <82k9gv$5j…@nnrp1.deja.com>, Dr. Art <dr_…@my-deja.com> wrote: > In article <82juue$tv…@nnrp1.deja.com>, > PrudenceAng…@geocities.com wrote: > Another question I forgot to ask. When you meet guys casually [in your > classes, through your friends, etc.] at what point can you tell that > they are UNACCEPTABLE as your potential BFs / sex partners / etc? What > qualities do you think you look at?

Does Dr. Art have them OK, I’ll ask some serious questions: am I correct in assuming that you (Prudence) just want to get a boyfriend for the sake of having had a boyfriend? And is it that you want to know how to make a certain guy (or guys) like you, or that you want guys in general to pay more attention to you? Or a combination thereof? — Joe Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

In article <PrudenceAngell-0712992218490…@128.148.181.202>, PrudenceAng…@geocities.com (Prudence Angell) wrote: > There’s more safety issues for me (and women in general) going out alone. > The only places I would be able to be not crazy walking by myself are on > campus…and I already go to most of the parties where there are > upperclass boys that are organized with my friends.

Yes, I was talking about on-campus events. Why don’t you try going to any of them alone? > So that leaves the > kind of private, room parties, and I would feel really weird showing up at > one of those alone, cause I’ve never seen anyone do that.

"…just stopped by after my class to check it out" (said Ms Bucharest) > > why do you think THEY are frustrated? > Because it’s still hard to meet guys, even if one is extroverted and

outgoing. Are your friends physically attractive? > > > I’m > > > not quite sure what you mean by gender-balanced hobbies. > > as an example, knitting is not gender-balanced for you. > Knitting is also a pretty solitary hobby..don’t think I’d be meeting any > type of any people doing that. So what type of hobbies should I join to > meet guys then?

Knitting is not solitary. I’m sure there are places where people learn and teach knitting. It’s just the best example of a gender-unbalanced hobby I could come up with. As to the type of hobbies where you can meet guys, try your local university gym or a dojo. The gym I went to when I was in college was so hard-core (almost exclusively barbells and dumbbells, and it was kind of stinky, or so they tell me that we practically had NO girls there. The ones who did show up there were stared at mercilessly. My current gym (in grad school) is more soft-core with more machines, life-cycles, girls, etc. It is also friendlier. > Then how come you didn’t ask me out?

Meet me on the corner of 103rd and B’way, NYC. Fri, 8pm. > Well, obviously there is some standard of physical attractiveness, as well > as some amount of the fact that I don’t really want to go out with a > freshman…but other than that…friendliness is a big good thing, so is > humor.

Very interesting. How would going out with a freshman make you feel as opposed to an upperclassman or someone beyond college? > People who come across as unconfident, as well as people who are > overconfident is kind of annoying.

What aspects of overconfidence do you find annoying? [I personally like confident people, and the more confident, the better] Art Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

You know it does suck. I would consider myself an extrovert as well. I have friends, I go out a lot, I participate in class, yada yada, yet I don’t have the courage to ask a girl out!! I can argue with my prof in front of a class but I’m horrifed about being rejected by a girl. Most of my friends are non-virgins and some are even looking at marraige (christ maybe this shy thing isn’t a curse…) at 19, i still don’t know what it is like to have a relationship. I don;t even care about not getting sex at this point. I’m just sick of being alone.

Response:

> I’m attractive, I’m intelligent, I’m not that difficult to deal > with, I > have friends – I probably have more very close friends than most > extroverts, I get along with people, I’m successful in general – it > doesn’t seem to be that hard for other people, so why is it so > hard for me?

It sounds like you are describing me. I am just dumbfounded that I can’t seem to get a girlfriend. Where are we screwing up? I’ve even taken a number of girls out a few times this year, but they always come up with excuses (they are excuses, I can tell. they never just say ‘I don’t think we should go out anymore…’) to dump me. Can someone tell us what is going on? > So I guess some people have more problems than me…Anyways.

Yes. But I’m sure they have no problems finding a boyfriend, do they? frolf18 * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

avdie…@wirehub.net (annelies ) wrote: >>Can someone tell us what is going on? >Would you honestly be interested ?

Yes. If it’s honest constructive criticism. >I have a few friends i would really want to give some constructive >criticism. Qualities about them that repulse me and prolly alot of >the rest of the women on this planet.

They must be pretty bad qualities to actually repulse women. Are these qualities shared by a lot (most!?) men? I’m intrigued. Maybe I’ve got some of these qualities, and didn’t even realise it? >But i doubt they would like to hear it.

I sure would. Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

In article <82jtv6$t4…@nnrp1.deja.com>, Dr. Art <dr_…@my-deja.com> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> In article <PrudenceAngell-0512992202030…@128.148.181.202>, > PrudenceAng…@geocities.com (Prudence Angell) wrote: > Do you go out? Are you hobbies gender-balanced? Are you afraid to SHOW > any interest in guys IRL? Do you tell everyone you are very religious > or that you are a virgin (if you are)? Do your friends have boyfriends? > I remember seeing a cute pic of you on your web site, but … how tall > are you and what is your weight? > There was a pretty attractive blond on our campus (we went to the same > gym) She also dressed sexy most of the time, but for some reason, > whenever she talked, she sounded desperate/unsatisfied/trying-to- > impress-everyone (she seemed to lack some essential convo skills). It > really puzzles me because she was good-looking and had a *HOT* body. I > don’t know about her BF/GF status, but it seemed that she was hitting > on me back then, but I was too shy and unapproachable, so I made up my > mind that "she’s not the girl for me anyway" Yeah, I was pathetic. > Art

I go out to parties with my friends…one out of three weekends or so – other times we just go to movies or hang out. Admittedly, I’m starting to think this is part of the problem. Of course I’m afraid to show interest – I’m shy. Some of my friends have boyfriends (who are also my friends), some of them don’t and are similarly frustrated, except they aren’t shy so it seems like they have more possibilities than me. I’m not quite sure what you mean by gender-balanced hobbies. I’m not religious, I don’t go around telling people I’m a virgin, I’m 5′5" and 115 lbs…and I’m not flat chested or acne scarred or dress really conservatively or any of that either, in case you were wondering. Anyways. Prudence Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

In article <PrudenceAngell-0512992202030…@128.148.181.202>, PrudenceAng…@geocities.com (Prudence Angell) wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Something I was thinking as was supposed to be doing physics homework… > No one can figure out why I never have had/ can’t seem to get to have a > boyfriend – not even me. Everyone is constantly amazed by this fact if I > tell them. > If I was ugly, if I was really really shy, if I was crazy, if I had a lot > of issues that I needed to deal with then I could understand, and so would > other people. > But I don’t. > I’m attractive, I’m intelligent, I’m not that difficult to deal with, I > have friends – I probably have more very close friends than most > extroverts, I get along with people, I’m successful in general – it > doesn’t seem to be that hard for other people, so why is it so hard for > me? > So I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong to not be able to find anyone. > So I can’t figure out what I need to change. > ARGH!

Do you go out? Are you hobbies gender-balanced? Are you afraid to SHOW any interest in guys IRL? Do you tell everyone you are very religious or that you are a virgin (if you are)? Do your friends have boyfriends? I remember seeing a cute pic of you on your web site, but … how tall are you and what is your weight? There was a pretty attractive blond on our campus (we went to the same gym) She also dressed sexy most of the time, but for some reason, whenever she talked, she sounded desperate/unsatisfied/trying-to- impress-everyone (she seemed to lack some essential convo skills). It really puzzles me because she was good-looking and had a *HOT* body. I don’t know about her BF/GF status, but it seemed that she was hitting on me back then, but I was too shy and unapproachable, so I made up my mind that "she’s not the girl for me anyway" Yeah, I was pathetic. Art Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

In article <82id6h$p3…@nnrp1.deja.com>, Marc Meunier <mmeun…@golden.net> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> In article <PrudenceAngell-0612991436040…@128.148.181.202>, > PrudenceAng…@geocities.com (Prudence Angell) wrote: > > In article <82gveh$90…@bgtnsc01.worldnet.att.net>, "Dawn Molina" > > <d.m.mol…@worldnet.att.net> wrote: > Well, my first question is, are you 100% ready for this? I mean, many > people are willing to moan about their situation but surprisingly few > are willing to actually do anything differently (including myself, at > times). Also, have you begun to see through all the "it’ll happen, just > be patient, just be yourself" stuff? Generally speaking, you will find > that people have a lot of resistance to the idea of actually making > effort to get intimacy/sex, but it’s important to be able to see that > for what it is. > Anyway, assuming that you are ready to make some changes (which you may > or may not be, I don’t know), well, say you notice a guy you like and > you decide you’d like to meet him. What’s your strategy? Sit and wait > and avoid eye contact and just hope that he talks to you? Let him catch > you looking at him a few times? Walk past him and pretend to bump into > him by accident? Detach from your group of friends and stand by yourself > for a while? Talk to him about something innocent, like asking for the > time or for a smoke? Wear a tight outfit that shows a lot of cleavage > and bend over a lot? > Also, what about when you’ve already met the guy and decided you’re > ready to get intimate or physical? What’s your strategy? Do nothing and > hope he initiates it? Smile and make eye contact a lot – and hope he > initiates it? Pay him a really nice compliment? Drop subtle hints? Drop > not-so-subtle hints? Get a friend to tell him how you feel? Touch him on > the arm or shoulder or leg? Press yourself up against him? > I know this is a lot of questions, but the point is, there’s quite a > wide variety of behaviours and strategies available, and in order to be > successful you may need to try more of them and discover which are most > effective for you. You will also need to accept that "being yourself" > basically means repeating the same strategies over and over again, even > though they are not effective. > Anyway, I hope I’ve given you some ideas. Make sure to let us know what > your strategies have been in the past.

So I guess my problem is..I have no strategy. I have no experience. When I was in high school, my strategy consisted of doing nothing, because I didn’t have the self-confidence to think that the guys that I liked would have any interest in me. First year of college, I was totally shocked when people started thinking of me as not so asexual anymore – friends gave me makeovers, stuff like that. Tried to set me up with a guy. Still lacking confidence after 2 weeks of college and trying to adjust to new people and new friends, I paniced and ignored him all night…only later to get a huge crush on him. My way of dealing with this was to basically try to stalk him…try to run into him whenever I could, tried to be walking the same direction when he got out of class, etc…but I wasn’t very good at it, so I managed to say hi to him a dozen times or so during the year. Second year of college I met a guy during lab who showed some interest. I’m still not clear on whether I liked/like him, or whether I just like the idea of having someone. But that was mostly playing weird games…I send him email, he doesn’t reply. He comes up to talk to me, I pretend not to notice. He asks me to study with him, I accept. I ask him to study with me, he accepts and then doesn’t set a time. Still have some contact with this guy…asked me to go out to dinner with him sometime earlier this year, and I didn’t go because of a stupid reason. And I don’t really want to talk about what I’ve been doing this year…which is basically all related to luck and not to any strategy. Thinking more clearly about this then when I wrote the first post here…I think most of the immediate problem has to do with _meeting_ people. I don’t generally go around thinking "Boy, I’d sure like to meet that guy". Maybe I should. I guess people rarely seem attractive to me until after I meet them. It seems like it would be easy to meet people here. But it isn’t. And even very extroverted people complain about this. I’ve heard all the stuff like ‘join activities’ ‘meet people in class’ and ‘meet friends of friends’ or stuff like that..but it just doesn’t seem to be feasible somehow. But I don’t know anymore. Anyways. Prudence Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

In article <PrudenceAngell-0612991436040…@128.148.181.202>, PrudenceAng…@geocities.com (Prudence Angell) wrote: > In article <82gveh$90…@bgtnsc01.worldnet.att.net>, "Dawn Molina" > <d.m.mol…@worldnet.att.net> wrote: > > Is there anything in your persona that makes people think that you are > > unapproachable?..or unavailable? > I assume so. But I don’t know how to change it. Make myself less > attractive so people aren’t intimidated? Act unconfident so people will > think I’m easy? Have less friends so people won’t assume I’m part of a > clique?

Well, my first question is, are you 100% ready for this? I mean, many people are willing to moan about their situation but surprisingly few are willing to actually do anything differently (including myself, at times). Also, have you begun to see through all the "it’ll happen, just be patient, just be yourself" stuff? Generally speaking, you will find that people have a lot of resistance to the idea of actually making effort to get intimacy/sex, but it’s important to be able to see that for what it is. Anyway, assuming that you are ready to make some changes (which you may or may not be, I don’t know), well, say you notice a guy you like and you decide you’d like to meet him. What’s your strategy? Sit and wait and avoid eye contact and just hope that he talks to you? Let him catch you looking at him a few times? Walk past him and pretend to bump into him by accident? Detach from your group of friends and stand by yourself for a while? Talk to him about something innocent, like asking for the time or for a smoke? Wear a tight outfit that shows a lot of cleavage and bend over a lot? Also, what about when you’ve already met the guy and decided you’re ready to get intimate or physical? What’s your strategy? Do nothing and hope he initiates it? Smile and make eye contact a lot – and hope he initiates it? Pay him a really nice compliment? Drop subtle hints? Drop not-so-subtle hints? Get a friend to tell him how you feel? Touch him on the arm or shoulder or leg? Press yourself up against him? I know this is a lot of questions, but the point is, there’s quite a wide variety of behaviours and strategies available, and in order to be successful you may need to try more of them and discover which are most effective for you. You will also need to accept that "being yourself" basically means repeating the same strategies over and over again, even though they are not effective. Anyway, I hope I’ve given you some ideas. Make sure to let us know what your strategies have been in the past. Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

On Mon, 06 Dec 1999 14:36:04 -0500, in alt.support.shyness PrudenceAng…@geocities.com (Prudence Angell) wrote: >Seeing myself from the outside, I suppose I _could_ see how people would >think I was unapproachable. I never go out without my friends; I sit in >class with them; I can even imagine how people watching me could think I >was flirting with some.

Try doing everything different from how you usually do things for a few weeks — go out alone, work on making eye contact, smile, say "hi".. you get the drift. I think it’s pretty intimidating for any guy to have to approach a woman when she’s surrounded by friends. Put yourself in the guy’s place and see how you can change things to make it easier for him or more likely to approach you. Replicant936 — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail: h…@anon.twwells.com — for an automatically returned help message ad…@anon.twwells.com – for the service’s administrator ano…@anon.twwells.com — anonymous mail to the administrator

Response:

From "Dawn Molina" d.m.mol…@worldnet.att.net… ….No guts, No glory>> that’s my favorite saying/philosophy. If you don’t take a chance, regardless of what the outcome MAY be…how will you ever truly know what or where it/you will end up?

Response:

Dawn Molina wrote: > Frolf18…sometimes people just dont feel a connection…. > I think that one thing that some shy people (and even non-shys) need to > understand…..asking someone for a date IS not an invitation to have a > "relationshiP"……its a way of getting to know someone….seeing if there > is a potential on both sides for it to go further….maybe we shouldnt see > this as "rejection" at a personal level…..maybe we should view it as more > of things just didnt click…nothing bad about it, it just is…and then > move out…. > In the meantime….just keep playing the field….have a good time and see > who we connect with …and if they connect with us…JMO

Strange I always viewed dating as a futile act. An exercise where one or both of the parties involved get dolled up and pretend to be more that they really are. That’s just part of my personality though one of the many differences between all of us. Its these differences that usually keep us from being able to understand why other people act and react the way they do. I imagine you must be wondering what kind of person doesn’t care for dating. Solomon

Response:

>Can someone tell us what is going on?

Would you honestly be interested ? I have a few friends i would really want to give some constructive criticism. Qualities about them that repulse me and prolly alot of the rest of the women on this planet. But i doubt they would like to hear it. (so i stay shy and keep my mouth shut annelies

Response:

> Would you honestly be interested ? > I have a few friends i would really want to give some constructive > criticism. Qualities about them that repulse me and prolly alot of > the rest of the women on this planet. But i doubt they would like > to hear it. (so i stay shy and keep my mouth shut

Yes, I would like to hear it. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

> Well, at least you go out with people I never even get that > far.

Well, when I had a complete lack of dates, I could always tell myself that if a girl ever got to know me, everything would work out fine. Continually getting snubbed surely doeesn’t help my self-esteem. > Of course not. The girl in the phone call I wrote about had about > 6 current ones, and about 10 more that she’d dumped just this year. > And she’s insane. So why would they pick her over me? She’s not more > attractive than me – and people have actually told me this. But > I’d still rather be me than her.

Sounds familiar. Very familiar. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

Well…risk IS a part of any relationship…so is getting hurt… I think that it one thing that everyone needs to accept…and then deal with….No guts, No glory Creed <Cr…@somewhere.usa> wrote in message

news:5_H24.4195$JS.298311@typhoon.mbnet.mb.ca… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> You know it does suck. I would consider myself an extrovert as well. I > have friends, I go out a lot, I participate in class, yada yada, yet I don’t > have the courage to ask a girl out!! I can argue with my prof in front of a > class but I’m horrifed about being rejected by a girl. Most of my friends > are non-virgins and some are even looking at marraige (christ maybe this shy > thing isn’t a curse…) at 19, i still don’t know what it is like to have a > relationship. I don;t even care about not getting sex at this point. I’m > just sick of being alone.

Response:

Frolf18…sometimes people just dont feel a connection…. I think that one thing that some shy people (and even non-shys) need to understand…..asking someone for a date IS not an invitation to have a "relationshiP"……its a way of getting to know someone….seeing if there is a potential on both sides for it to go further….maybe we shouldnt see this as "rejection" at a personal level…..maybe we should view it as more of things just didnt click…nothing bad about it, it just is…and then move out…. In the meantime….just keep playing the field….have a good time and see who we connect with …and if they connect with us…JMO frolf18 <frolf18NOfrS…@techie.com.invalid> wrote in message

news:1c31fd54.cbce7215@usw-ex0102-015.remarq.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > I’m attractive, I’m intelligent, I’m not that difficult to deal > > with, I > > have friends – I probably have more very close friends than most > > extroverts, I get along with people, I’m successful in general – it > > doesn’t seem to be that hard for other people, so why is it so > > hard for me? > It sounds like you are describing me. I am just dumbfounded that > I can’t seem to get a girlfriend. Where are we screwing up? I’ve > even taken a number of girls out a few times this year, but they always > come up with excuses (they are excuses, I can tell. they never just > say ‘I don’t think we should go out anymore…’) to dump me. > Can someone tell us what is going on? > > So I guess some people have more problems than me…Anyways. > Yes. But I’m sure they have no problems finding a boyfriend, do they? > frolf18 > * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * > The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

In article <82gveh$90…@bgtnsc01.worldnet.att.net>, "Dawn Molina" <d.m.mol…@worldnet.att.net> wrote: > Is there anything in your persona that makes people think that you are > unapproachable?..or unavailable?

I assume so. But I don’t know how to change it. Make myself less attractive so people aren’t intimidated? Act unconfident so people will think I’m easy? Have less friends so people won’t assume I’m part of a clique? I don’t want to compromise my attractiveness or confidence or friends, and I doubt that that would work anyways. But I don’t know how to combine that with "approachable". And I don’t really feel like I could approach guys. Seeing myself from the outside, I suppose I _could_ see how people would think I was unapproachable. I never go out without my friends; I sit in class with them; I can even imagine how people watching me could think I was flirting with some. I can look very unshy when I’m with them. But then, even if someone were to approach me, I would instantly be a little scared and retreat to shyness, which of course then comes off as snobbiness. The person sees me being nice to other people, and not nice to them, and what other conclusion are they going to come to? Anyways. Prudence – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Prudence Angell <PrudenceAng…@geocities.com> wrote in message > news:PrudenceAngell-0512992202030001@128.148.181.202… > > Something I was thinking as was supposed to be doing physics homework… > > No one can figure out why I never have had/ can’t seem to get to have a > > boyfriend – not even me. Everyone is constantly amazed by this fact if I > > tell them. > > If I was ugly, if I was really really shy, if I was crazy, if I had a lot > > of issues that I needed to deal with then I could understand, and so would > > other people. > > But I don’t. > > I’m attractive, I’m intelligent, I’m not that difficult to deal with, I > > have friends – I probably have more very close friends than most > > extroverts, I get along with people, I’m successful in general – it > > doesn’t seem to be that hard for other people, so why is it so hard for > > me? > > So I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong to not be able to find anyone. > > So I can’t figure out what I need to change. > > ARGH!

Response:

> frolf18 <frolf18NOfrS…@techie.com.invalid> wrote in message > news:1c31fd54.cbce7215@usw-ex0102-015.remarq.com… > > > I’m attractive, I’m intelligent, I’m not that difficult to deal > > > with, I > > > have friends – I probably have more very close friends than most > > > extroverts, I get along with people, I’m successful in general – it > > > doesn’t seem to be that hard for other people, so why is it so > > > hard for me? > > It sounds like you are describing me. I am just dumbfounded that > > I can’t seem to get a girlfriend. Where are we screwing up? I’ve > > even taken a number of girls out a few times this year, but they always > > come up with excuses (they are excuses, I can tell. they never just > > say ‘I don’t think we should go out anymore…’) to dump me.

Well, at least you go out with people I never even get that far. > > Can someone tell us what is going on? > > > So I guess some people have more problems than me…Anyways. > > Yes. But I’m sure they have no problems finding a boyfriend, do they?

Of course not. The girl in the phone call I wrote about had about 6 current ones, and about 10 more that she’d dumped just this year. And she’s insane. So why would they pick her over me? She’s not more attractive than me – and people have actually told me this. But I’d still rather be me than her. Anyways. Prudence

Response:

Is there anything in your persona that makes people think that you are unapproachable?..or unavailable? Prudence Angell <PrudenceAng…@geocities.com> wrote in message

news:PrudenceAngell-0512992202030001@128.148.181.202… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Something I was thinking as was supposed to be doing physics homework… > No one can figure out why I never have had/ can’t seem to get to have a > boyfriend – not even me. Everyone is constantly amazed by this fact if I > tell them. > If I was ugly, if I was really really shy, if I was crazy, if I had a lot > of issues that I needed to deal with then I could understand, and so would > other people. > But I don’t. > I’m attractive, I’m intelligent, I’m not that difficult to deal with, I > have friends – I probably have more very close friends than most > extroverts, I get along with people, I’m successful in general – it > doesn’t seem to be that hard for other people, so why is it so hard for > me? > So I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong to not be able to find anyone. > So I can’t figure out what I need to change. > ARGH! > On the other hand, this is an actual phone conversation I had last night: > Me: Hello? > My friend: Hi! Guess what! > Me: What? > MF: I’m calling from the nut house! > Me: What? > MF: The nut house! > Me: What? (beginning to think this is some new restaurant I haven’t heard of) > MF: The psychiatric ward! > Me: What? > MF: Yeah, my parents had me committed over thanksgiving…etc.,etc. > So I guess some people have more problems than me…Anyways. > Prudence

Response:

Filed under: Acne

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

TrackBack URL | RSS feed for comments on this post.

Talking Acne

Real topics from real people all about ACNE